14 REASONS TO TRASH VALENTINE’S DAY by Martha Byoga

1)      I am single, saved and not having sex. My chocolate comes out of my own pocket and the love of my life up there won’t rain down roses. Only the bubbles in my tab should see me naked I suppose.
2)      People use this day as an opportunity to not be judged for sounding authentically moronic. Matter of fact, they strive to sound idiotic; “I wuv you vewy vewy much” Shoot me now Please.
3)      Cupid I do not mean you. For an infant you have the eyesight of a 90 year old, or you high on something. Whatever, just put the bow and arrow down and get an education.
4)     This is only the second week of the second month of the year. I am yet to meet the goofy Knight in Shining Armor on my resolutions list.
5)      Dear Mr. Valentine, (RIP) how many lives must you ruin before you get out of the life ruining business? Men cannot afford this day!
6)      Valentine’s Day only made sense when loved ones were separated by distance and war. When women appreciated a letter with words from the heart that sent warmth through your chest to your loin. Now all we’ve got are greedy ungrateful little, (for luck of a more decent word) girls.
7)      Yup, still single.
8)      People in relationships aren’t having much fun either.
9)      I hate everyone I’ve ever been in love with.
10)   The friend-zone has gotten awfully popular.
11)   364 days a year our motto is “Human Beings aren’t perfect” but on the 14th of February, failure to accomplish this perfection warrants a yearlong resentment. Until you get another chance to redeem yourself; 14th February the next year.
12)   Cupid rhymes with stupid. People in love are stupid. On this day this stupidity goes up a notch.
13)   THE PRESSURE! It’s exhausting.
14)   It’s not a public holiday, period. “Valentine’s Day is the bully of holidays, it forces love on people who aren’t in love.”
For that, I am boycotting Valentine’s Day.

Author: Open Mic

Open Mic Uganda is a company that presents people with a platform that promotes poetry, spoken word and related art forms. It encourages the enhancement of poetry as a recognized art form that can be used as a tool for education, communication and entertainment.